UUGGHH...The Holidays

I struggle with the Holidays...meaning Thanksgiving and Christmas

There are things I LOVE about each and things I can do without.

I love getting together with the whole family and having a meal.  Why do we "need" a holiday to do that?  All that work, cooking a turkey for 5 hours and its gone in 5 minutes.  The whole prep work is exhausting....and no one really helps.  It all falls on the person who is hosting.

I have the same issue with Christmas dinner. 

Christmas presents is a whole other issue.  I love giving gifts...but I love giving meaningful gifts or giving things that people need and just won't or don't buy for themselves.

I don't even care if I get gifts.  If there is something I want badly enough I buy it myself.  Because I knew I would get the whole "what do you want for Christmas" question and nothing never seems to be a well received answer, I purposely haven't purchased an item that I want...the Fitbit Versa.  So when asked that is what I said I wanted...but apparently ONE item is also NOT enough.  I'm half tempted to just go and get it myself and screw up everyone's holiday.  LOL

I don't like buy/giving gifts because its expected.  Take for instance my mom (who I love dearly).  She has everything she needs or wants but expects no less than 5 gifts at Christmas.  If she doesn't get them she whines and looks miserable.  She is also impossible to shop for...I ask her every year what she wants...the answer is always I don't know.  If you get her candy (that she loves) she opens it and says what am I supposed to do with this? 

Then we have the grandkids...who I always feel the need to spoil with lots of presents.  Which I do.  But I asked our Granddaughter the other day who is 7 if she knows why we celebrate Christmas and Thanksgiving.  She had no idea....and couldn't even guess.

I find that sad. 

Who is really understanding anyway?

I feel like I can very extremely un-sympathetic....although appear very sympathetic and patient.

I have been told that I am very kind, caring, patient and understanding. 

I agree that I am kind and caring.

I disagree with the patient and understanding part...because I'm not.  What I am is just really good at hiding the fact that shit pisses me off quite a bit.

I do not have patience for a lot of things...I want things done a certain way and in a certain time period.  Because of that trait I have become one of those people that never asks for help and that has a very hard time delegating work or tasks.  I can just do it myself...that way I know its done right and in a reasonable time frame.

I'm also NOT understanding.  If someone is upset about something and I see their situation differently and see a better/easy outcome I am (inside) annoyed that they are upset.  I have NO sympathy for the person that handles situations in a way I feel is wrong. 

I have a friend that is going through a divorce.  I feel that she is unrealistic with the outcome she is expecting from her ex/lawyers and even the judge.  I've been through a divorce...I have some ideas as to what happens.  Side note...I never claim to know everything.  BUT my friend comes to me with questions/stories/advice.  I don't think she every really likes my answers.  She then goes to her family with the same questions/stories and advice...and always gets different answers/advice.  From her family, who is much more sympathy  I think she gets the answers she wants to hear....rather than reality.  Which in the end does turn out to be the fluffy answers and not reality.

I have another friend who when things fall apart and something upsets him, he drinks.  That's how he copes. I don't understand that...and it annoys me.  I have no sympathy for the situation at that point nor care to even be around him.  I just distance myself until it blows over.  

I also don't understand addiction...and I don't feel its a disease...but that is going to have to be an entire separate blog post on its own.

I hate having to rely on anyone for anything.  I usually end up disappointed. 

What does this say about me as a person? 
My friends/family feel like I am great support system and I am always there for them...I feel like a sham...a liar...because half the time I don't mean it.