Rabbit Hole

I used to pride myself on staying out of drama and gossip, not talking behind others backs.

I used to mind my own business.

Notice how I say "used to"

I have fallen down the rabbit hole. 

I fear there is no getting out of it.

I think part of why this has happened is because I want to be liked.  

Have said that I also have this "I don't give a shit what people think about me" attitude.  Which I have had for a very long time..but I still want to be liked.  Makes no sense

When I first started with this company there were very few employees and we all pretty much started at the same time.  Its larger now.

There are more people with different personalities and they don't all mesh so people talk about each other. 

I "used to" be very non-committal.  Just say "uummm" a lot of times...or "oh"  and not offer my opinion (which was never good anyway) or offer feedback. 

It seems that all I do now is gossip right back, offer feedback and my opinion (none of it is good either...still)

I think I have even stirred the pot a few times. 

I am not proud of my new found ability to gossip and get involved in drama but I also can't seem to stop it. 

Stress be GONE!

An amazing thing happened yesterday.

I had a quiet, productive day, I left work at a reasonable time and went to the gym.  When I got home I still had energy and was in a good mood.

That hasn't happened in a long time.   I haven't felt that good in a long time.

Its funny how when you remove negativity from your life....even for one day (with the promise of more days to follow) that you life suddenly is better.   You feel lighter. 

I did make some connections at the main office.  Formed some bonds.  I have some feelings about not being there anymore.  I have concerns that I will loose those bonds...honestly I fear loosing my status there.  I feel like I have been built up alittle.  I have saved the day a few times, been a counselor and mentor. 

I feel like people tend to forget the good things you do when you don't see them for a while. 

Plus I'm not there every day now to wow them with my level head and knowledge. 

I can't have it both ways though. 

I would much rather have stress free days with no drama.

I have that back now. 

The Last Two Months...

The last two months are a blur.

I have been in another office training a new employee. 

I have felt completely displaced. 

The training went really well...mostly because the girl I was training is intelligent. 

However I have learned some things about our main office.  (I work out of a remote satellite office...kinda alone)

There is a employee at the main office that on one really likes.  And for good reason.  The person has become too big for their britches...is rude...and kinda a jerk.

I was at our main office longer than I anticipated.  But training was going well and I was enjoy the banter and socialize with the remaining office people.  The problem employee actually asked me on Friday when I was returning to the satellite office and if I didn't want to return they would be my seat there. 

NO...NOPE...HELL NO

That's not how this works.

I have seniority over this person.  However this person NEVER listens to me. 

By the time I left on Friday I was seeing red and wanted to scream.  I was then incredibly irritated all weekend...and I'm irritated that I left this person get to me. 

I am thankful that for the most part I am away from that office this week....with the except of two appointments later in the week. But I won't be staying there after the appointments are over.

ALSO...the person who was crying and complaining that I was mean all the time...got fired. 
I didn't fire her.
Who's mean now? 

New Drama

I'm married!  Got married on Friday!  That's not the drama.  Just wanted to start this post off happy...something positive.

Now onto the drama

My mom is in a physical rehab facility.  THEY SUCK!
The physical rehab part is fine.  But the nursing staff is horrible.

My mom currently has an infection in her right leg.  Her left arm is red and itchy and its traveling to her breast.  The doctors/nurses don't seem to feel there is anything urgent.

My mother mental health is declining. She sounds incredibly depressed every time I talk to her.

I email and yell at the administrators of this facility all the time.  Demanding better care.

I literally have no idea what else to do. 

This is stressful and overwhelming. 

I really just want to get her out of there but then I don't know how I would care of her. 
UUUGGHHH

Any suggestions?